Okay this is rediculous

So, for the pat year I’ve been a member of Reddit. I subscribed to a sub called Relationship advice, and often find myself reading stories of people who are going through some tough times with their partners. Occasionally a story pops up of someone who had been cheated on. I have always felt these ones, in particular because my mum cheated on my dad when I was a kid, and the way I found out so many years later became a huge part of my depression. Cheating makes me feel so sick. A few days ago I read a story of a man who had been happily married for 12 years to a cop. Apparently their marriage was wonderful and loving. About four years into their marriage his wife started doing undercover work, which they’d discussed and he was okay with it as it would help her job. Soon enough she is asked to go for an extensive undercover job, meaning she’d be away for a little over a month. He was not comfortable with this but agreed as it was a part of her career. Apparently once she finished up this job, she decided not to do undercover work any more and their lives continued as normal. Nothing much was said and their marriage remained perfect. Fast forward to a few days ago and she confesses something to him that she just had to let off her chest as she couldn’t take it any more. She told him that, during her time away for that period of time, she’d had sex with a man on three occasions. The first was a blowjob which she didnt enjoy. The second was penetrative sex, which she said she wasn’t able to feel too much due to the shock of the situation. The third was penetrative sex in which she did enjoy enough to orgasm. None of these times a condom was ever used and the man was assumed to have cum inside of her. She told her husband the orgasm she’d had was from the sensations alone and despite her being attracted to the man, she didn’t have feelings for him. She reiterated that at no point was she ever in danger, and it was only her job that was. She went to explain in explicit detail the sex they’d had but her husband couldn’t bare to listen and asked her not to. He’s asked her to give him some space and give him time to process all of this. Apparently they have a 3 year old dAughter too. He’s leaning towards divorce as it’s something he doesn’t believe he can ever look past. This story or some reason is the most disturbing thing I have EVER read in my life. I am in such emotional and mental pain and I envision all of this taking place again and again, and trying to justify it somehow, with futile attempts. I have lost sleep over this and actually feel sick to my stomach to the point of vomiting. I am not the man or woman in this story and I’ve never had something like this happen to me (I’ve been cheated on but this is somehow much more extreme in my eyes). Yet I feel such grief and I just cannot seem to shake it. I feel like it’s ruining my life right now. It feels like torture, and it sounds so fucking stupid and ridiculous that I am even feeling this at all. I have no idea what these people even look like, and still I picture the scenarios playing out over and over. I can’t sleep. It’s actually affected me so deeply my sex life with my wife has taken a huge dip.. and prior to this things were the best they’d ever been, like mind blowing incredible sex all the time! It’s all I can seem to think about now and I hate it so much. I wish I’d never read this story. I’ve deleted Reddit from my phone and my wife has banned me from googling any more stories with infidelity. I had to write this out as it’s 1:30 in the morning and these thoughts have been making me feel crazy and I can’t shut them off to sleep. I just wish I knew why people would choose to do something like this.. how they could.. like, is a career really more important than you’re marriage? I have so many questions and I need to know more but that’s all that was written and all I’ll probably ever know, and so this cycle of a story plays over with so many different outcomes. The comments the guy got were very much just as disturbing to me. Some were saying his wife could have pulled out at any point and yet chose not only to go back for seconds and thirds, but also not use protection? And she orgasmed? Women more so than men (apparently) have to be in a particular mindset to orgasm. Fuck, this is making me feel even more sick. I was hoping that typing this up I could get it off my chest and on to paper and I could finally rest… but I feel no different.. I feel worse actually……… FUCK